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FLAG Canada Brochures
Wayne
Harrison
Our new brochures hit the streets this month all across Canada. We printed 150,000 and have shipped out
almost 140,000 to PFLAG Contacts and Chapters that responded to my
request. We still have not heard from
PFLAG Quebec QC, PFLAG Calgary AB and PFLAG Fenelon Falls ON so if anyone in
these areas could get back to me, I would love to ship more brochures.
The brochures are colourful, informative, in both English and French
and a great way to get information to the public about PFLAG. They will help provide the consistent
approach we want to develop in Canada whether you are in a large urban center
with millions of people or in a small rural area with hundreds of people. Our country is a large one and someone,
somewhere will need support and we hope this brochure will help!
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ur PFLAG Community is Growing!
Wayne
Harrison
PFLAG
Canada is interested in having a presence in every area across Canada. New Chapters (people who run support
meetings in their community) and Contacts (people who do not run meetings but
offer their time to support others) are coming on board all the time in areas
where we didn’t have a presence and I would love to see this happen in every
Canadian province and Territory. Our
newest Chapters are located in Fredericton NB, South East SK, Cranbrook BC,
Kimberly BC, and Salmon Arm, BC and we have new Contacts in Woodstock NB, St. Stephen
NB, and Kingston ON.
If you
are interested in becoming a Contact or starting a Chapter, please contact me,
Wayne Harrison at 1-888-530-6777 or email me at newsletter@pflagcanada.ca and I would
be pleased to help.
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ew Country, New World!
PFLAG St.
Catharines
Early in May I received an email
from a woman in her early twenties who had recently arrived in Canada from Hong
Kong to study at Brock University in St. Catharines. In somewhat broken, but adequate, English, she wrote that she is a
lesbian and looking for friends here. Her brother is also gay and working
here in Niagara. He told her there was probably a club on campus for
LGBT students. He didn't have that contact information but was able to
give her contact information about PFLAG St. Catharines.
We could tell Diane that there is such a club, Brock Pride, but they don't meet over the summer so we invited her to our PFLAG May meeting. She came and met 2 members of Brock Pride who also attend our meetings. Connections – that is what it is all about. We also invited her to the Niagara Pride Picnic. She turned up with her brother's partner (her brother was working) and their 2 dogs. They proudly took part in the dog show and we introduced them around. We'll keep in touch with her because we know she is already facing the challenge of coping in a strange language and a strange country, she also needs to identify people sympathetic to her sexual orientation. We hope we've helped her with that.
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potlight on…
This is the section of the newsletter where we put the spotlight on a PFLAG Chapter or Contact from anywhere across Canada. This issue’s Chapter is PFLAG York Region.
PFLAG York Region Ontario had a round about way of getting started. In 1994, Marilyn Byers, a teacher, was participating in a Landmark Education course called Self Expression and Leadership, which required creating a community project. Her son, who recently came out to her, suggested her project could be on PFLAG but Marilyn hadn’t heard of PFLAG, so, being resourceful, she contacted the Toronto Chapter. Meetings with Harry Meanwell and President Carol Austin gave Marilyn information and ideas to develop her project– an evening on sexuality with the focus on homosexuality.
The meeting was held at the Thornhill Community Centre with a panel consisting of a Deacon, parents of a gay son, a lesbian and the Film Director of the video“Out”. Fifty-five people attended as well as the media and it was a resounding success. Marg Nosworthy the new president of PFLAG Toronto introduced herself to Marilyn and suggested she start a PFLAG Chapter. Although Marilyn had not considered this, she believed in what PFLAG stood for and decided to start a PFLAG Chapter in her area of Markham. Later that evening, the Public Health Nurse who runs a youth group for gay and lesbian teens suggested she form a PFLAG Chapter for the whole region and thus the idea for PFLAG York Region was set.
Each meeting is held in strict confidence and consists of support and education. Attendance varies from meeting to meeting with groups as small as 8 to over 25 people. One night with only a few people attending, her son put it all into perspective with: “Mom, as long as you’ve helped one person, you’ve done your job”.
Every year PFLAG York Region hosts an anniversary celebration inviting media and mayors from 9 municipalities in the region. Believing PFLAG’s name isn’t out there enough, Marilyn takes advantage of every opportunity to get the organization in the news. A few years ago, a billboard campaign was met with mixed reviews. “Anytime there is controversy there is more attention focused on the issue” said Marilyn and we always welcome the positive responses the community offers to any negative criticism we receive.
The challenges for York Region are similar to what most other chapters experience. The first is money; no matter what needs to be done, money is required. Second is publicity. People just don’t know much about PFLAG. Word needs to get out so people will become familiar with the organization and the good work that is being done. Only through this will people become aware. The final challenge is finding volunteers. People come to PFLAG when their emotions are high and they have a problem dealing with their own lives. They attend meetings, have conversations, get comfortable and move on. PFLAG runs on the energy of people, unfortunately only a few seem to be the ones carrying the load. It is important to encourage new and old, past and present participants to get involved and contribute. By getting involved, getting active and taking ownership for the cause they will in turn keep PFLAG alive and the torch passed on.
The ones who volunteer do so unselfishly. Marilyn is one of these people who have a passion for making this world a better place and regularly speaks to groups about her experiences and the work of PFLAG. Being a retired teacher, she is called upon to speak at schools frequently. She also speaks in the private sector for organizations such as Air Canada, American Express and the Police Academy in Aylmer Ontario and facilitated 2 workshops for their conference on diversity, in 2003, titled “How to End Homophobia”.
In 2000 Marilyn was recognized for her volunteering work with the Spirit of Community Award. Recently the Ministry of Citizenship and Immigration named her recipient of the Outstanding Achievement Award for Voluntarism for her contributions to the quality of life in Ontario. Of the 250 nominated for this award, Marilyn is one of 20 recipients who were selected by a committee of individuals who represent a variety of disciplines from Ontario. She will be presented her award at a ceremony in November.
As a suggestion to others who would like to engage in public speaking, Marilyn offers that the style of her presentations are usually similar in format with three parts. She begins by telling her story and some personal history of how she first learned about homosexuality, and how she felt when her son came out to her. The second part of the presentation is about her PFLAG journey. She explains what PFLAG is about and the important work that is accomplished. The third and final part is focused on specific topics that may have been requested for her to speak about. Bringing out sensitive issues, current events and providing resource materials, Marilyn passionately believes that this straightforward approach works best to advance the cause for PFLAG.
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onnections Distribution
Wayne Harrison
This newsletter is stored on our PFLAG Canada website and an announcement is sent out to everyone on my Connections Distribution list. I ask you to share this information with all of your members.
If you find there
are people who would like to get the announcement sent to them directly, please
send me their email addresses and I will place them on the distribution
list. All distribution emails will be
sent using blind copying for the address list so no one can get at individual
addresses. Please email me any
addresses you would like added to the distribution list at: newsletter@pflagcanada.ca.
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inally, PFLAG in Fredericton!
Member of PFLAG Fredericton
NB
I am so glad that we have PFLAG in Fredericton! It was great to sit in a room with others who know what you have gone through and to see that your concerns and fears are echoed back by other Moms. Thank you PFLAG, for being there and for all your support over the years for all of us - kids and parents! I only hope and pray that we can continue to keep this going and watch the group grow as others become aware that it is there for them as well.
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peaking Out in the Prairies
Eleanor W.
The United Church in our small conservative prairie town set up a series of workshops in the early spring precluding a possible vote on this particular church performing gay unions. I had given the ministers my name some time ago as a person that could be contacted if a family was struggling with issues surrounding a gay family member. As there was no PFLAG organization here, I felt I could direct them to the Saskatoon chapter, or just listen and be there for them. I was honored to have the ministers contact me to see if I would speak to the focus group on my personal experience as the mother of a gay son. I wrote my short speech in no time, proof read it, and felt it was presentable. I arrived a little apprehensively, but confident that I could do this. I reached for the Kleenex as I walked to the front of the room. I didn’t need it, however my paper shook quite a bit. I spoke on the fears a mother has for an adult child that is not accepted by a large percentage of society. I was received with applause and hugs as I sat down. Several people approached me there and asked questions. All were kind and thoughtful.
Since that time, I have had three people approach me to let me know how much they appreciated my little talk, and to confide that they needed support. The first person was a mom, the next a sister and the third was a gay man. If anyone had any negative thoughts about my peek out of the closet as a parent in this conservative community, I have never heard it. So far it has been a positive experience.
The first person, the mom, is coming to PFLAG meetings with us in the fall. I don’t know if this town is ready for a PFLAG group yet or not, but eventually… Oh, about the church’s vote, it was decided to have the educational workshop again next year and possibly vote then.
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re We Hospitable to Others?
By Eldon Hay –
PFLAG Moncton
I’m aware that we’re not
always hospitable to those from away. I’m painfully aware that sometimes we’re
not hospitable to those in our midst. Ten days ago, I had an email from a
Moncton lesbian couple, a couple I had married - held a covenanting service for
- a couple of years ago. Now this lesbian couple is planning to have a baby.
They had some questions. Could both of them be registered as parents, if one of
them had a baby by artificial insemination? Would it be better if they moved to
Nova Scotia? I put them in touch with a NB lesbian couple with a baby, and a NS
lesbian couple with a baby, and let them find out from those couples the answer
to the question, plus a lot of other useful information and support.
What are the answers to
the questions? Briefly, it is this. In
NB, that lesbian couple will be faced with roadblocks and hassles when they try
to have both lesbians registered as parents. In NS, they won’t. The province of
NB has a retrograde record, compared to other Canadian jurisdictions, when
dealing with gays, lesbians and their children. How can we welcome those from
outside our area in coming here, when we do not welcome those already here? I
intend to put this to our Minister of Business, Peter Mesheau, a friend to many
of us here: a politician working for the betterment of this province.
And what is our record
here, here in Sackville United? We had a Lenten study a couple of years back,
and a group of gays and lesbians told their stories to 35 or 40 of us. There
were many tears after hearing those powerful stories. But when push came to
shove, nothing changed. We can listen to you gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and we
can cry when we hear your powerful stories, but ..... sorry, the door is still
closed.
In the 1960s, there were
four young men in a class at nearby Tantramar Regional High School. They
were gay. They were all dead before the age of 35. Three of them moved away,
one died of AIDS. One of them was chased one night in the streets of Sackville
by a group of young men, throwing all the fag names they could think of:
severely beaten up, he fell unconscious on the street. Later a truck drove over
him, accidentally, and he died.
Children in the
congregation this morning in the first decade of a new century. Bet on it, one
or two or some of them will turn out gay, lesbian, bisexual. Will we turn our
backs on them? The late folk singer Jim Croce had a song entitled "Which
way are you goin’?" I paraphrase a line or two - "[We] walk the
streets with righteousness, but [we] fail to understand - Say [we] love the baby,
and [we] crucify the man."
Changes there are. Michael
and Wade Oulton-Stillman were married at the Mount Allison University chapel,
after some delay - a big change. I was
confident that that wedding would open Mount Allison chapel to the possibility
of other gay weddings. I thought I was told that changes would be made. The
chapel wedding policy has been changed, very slightly but there is no mention
whatsoever, in that revised formal document, of gays, lesbians, homosexuals.
This, in a United Church related institution. As far as that formal document
goes, the only people who deserve weddings are Christian heterosexuals.
I conclude by telling you about a man who lives in
Sackville. I can’t mention his name, but I know him well. Actually, I shave him
every morning. This man has a gay son and a lesbian daughter. He goes to this
church, finds his fellow congregants warm and friendly. But he wonders - how
deep is that friendship, and support?
People are warm, but he’d like to ask his fellow congregants: Would you
see this congregation as friendly and welcoming if your son/daughter or
grandson/granddaughter cannot be married here? This friend of mine has no
intention of saying ‘Change your policy here in the Sackville United Church, or
I’ll leave.’ There’s two reasons why he won’t say that. First, he hunches that
someone would be sure to take him up on it and say, ‘Go ahead, leave, please.’
Second, for him, there’s no place else to go. Much less than positive as the
United Church is, the others are even less positive.
How can we change, to let
in that outsider from away, or that outsider in our midst? How can we change?
Assuming we want to - and maybe we don’t. I know that, personally speaking,
change in my attitudes, my perspective, is difficult. There are the witnesses
from Acts, from those feisty foreparents of ours - the slave woman and Paul and
Silas (Acts 16: 16-34). Deep in prison, beaten up, Paul and Silas sang and
prayed. Perhaps, in our own imprisonments, it might work for us, too?
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Betty Neil, PFLAG Lethbridge and Area AB
I spent about an hour on the phone with a 16-year-old gay and was very thankful to know that he was not alone. He was so relieved to know that he was okay and not a terrible person. He is a strict Muslim and because of his culture, he is still worried about his parent's reaction, as it has been arranged for him to marry a woman. He thinks that his family will reject and disown him.
Unfortunately, this happens a lot in rural Alberta. I hope he follows through with the reading and building up a support system that accepts him. Because he lives about 10 hours away with his parents, I was unable to get his phone number. He had found me through the kids help phone.
I have a new job in Lethbridge working in a mental health clinic with youths between the ages of 15 and 25. Being in this environment, I hope to be able to reach more struggling people. Being in the "Bible belt" and having a conservative government in Alberta makes it harder for youth to accept who they are and find the necessary support systems to assist them.
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our
Contributions are Welcome!
Wayne Harrison
If
you would like to contribute stories to Connections, please email them to Wayne
Harrison at newsletter@pflagcanada.ca.